Our lives and my thoughts right now....

With summer fast approaching, and the year almost half over, I have been thinking about what the next six months will bring to our family.  There are a lot of scenarios I go through in my head.  Ike always hates when I plan for or think about things that might or might not happen....he is more of a roll with the the punches and plan when you know type of guy (good and bad in certain situations).  In my mind I really want to be continually progressing in all areas of our lives....in finances, business/career, in family expansion and relationships and spiritually.  I know it is impossible to do all these things at once, but I would like to continually progress in each area little by little.  I feel like if I am doing that, then I am doing it right and I don't want one area to suffer because I am putting too much or not enough effort into another.  Hard to juggle at times as the family grows, but it's all worth it right?!  So right now I am deciding if it is time for me to go back to work or not.  And then if I do, will there be any opportunity for me.  Being a teacher it is hard to jump from school to school like I have been every few years.  Put that together with taking breaks here and there for both my kids when they were born, and I may not be able to market myself to potential employers very well.  I have found adjunct work here and there at the local college and may continue that because it isn't a big commitment at all, but it only adds a little bit here and there.  So is that enough or not?  Am I not humbling myself enough and being appreciative enough of what we do have right now?  We are very fortunate to live where we live in our humble abode with wide open spaces all around us.  The gym continually progresses each month, but in reality, may not provide what we want for another year or so.  Ike works hard training and keeping the gym running smoothly and does a great job and I still help a few days a week to have a change of pace from my mom/home duties, so I am grateful for that.  But I find myself complaining more about the tight space we live in that always seems cluttered and messy at the end of the day, lack of health insurance (which I HATE) unless we pay out of pocket ourselves, and dirt that is all around us that gets tracked in everywhere unless I vacuum and clean it up at least once a day.   I think about where I wanted to be at this time in my life (especially financially), we are not there.  But we still do have so much to ge thankful for.  When I step back and really think about these things, I feel ungrateful, because if these are our only trials right now I should be jumping for joy!  I know others are facing much more difficult challenges in their lives, and maybe I need to be grateful for all the blessings and little opportunities that have happened over the past few years in spite of our trials and I can see the Lord's hand in it.  I am just not one who is patient in waiting for things to happen.  So, what do I do?  I have to make the most of it and try to turn the negatives into positives and make something happen for us.  Hence....the decision to go back to work or not.  The extra money would be nice...the benefits would be even greater, the chance to move into a bigger place would be awesome, and I am really good at what I do and I enjoy that sense of accomplishment in that aspect of my life.  It would however be more time away from familly and the boys (well, Jack, because Dane will be in school all day next year).  And it would mean putting off baby #3 for a little longer than expected (weren't planning on starting that this year anyway).  Plus, there aren't many education jobs in my field right now, so I guess if the opportunity arises I will make the decision then.  In the mean time it is all in the back of my mind swirling around in different scenarios.  For now I have to focus on end of the year activities for Dane's class, Dane's 6th birthday party in June, planning our family reunion trip in June (YEAH!!!!!), and thinking about the lazy days of summer doing more of this..........


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